The Gospel
according to a witness of the sign of the son in the sky
In the beginning was the Word. The Word was only God, singular, infinite, measureless, for whom time had no meaning. With the Word, “I am,” time became. Thought in reference to itself is the source of time. Thought became motion, a part of God moving relative to God’s self.
The explosion of eternity from singularity then gave birth to all that is, all that was and ever shall be. God’s thought, “I am,” remained in every field and particle of the vast, infinite universe now opening before humankind, in which Earth, our world, is our footstool.
The evidence we find for the age and progression of the world and stars does not contradict what is described as days in scripture, for “a day is like a thousand years to Him, and a thousand years is like a day,” or a billion years, or twenty billion. Those who claim such specific knowledge in the face of evidence from our mortal perspective pretend to godhood themselves, applying their finite, limited, and small understanding to the infinite and inscrutable mind of the Creator. Observations of the adaptability of bird beaks or the evolution of their proteins do not apply to questions of whether God set the world in motion with his thought, which became complex order in the chaos of existence, which we can quantify with science. They seek to make God’s creation less than what it is, due to the fear they feel when they see something they cannot understand. They seek to control God with their limited fantasies because they fear the vast, incomprehensible universe that He created. Moreover, they fear the thoughts their minds bring to them when they open them enough to see even the barest inkling of the profound scope of the world around them. They use the words of scripture without knowing their meaning, or despite knowing, to control others by controlling others’ images of God, so they themselves can pretend that they do not lack control over the infinite. “They who have ears to hear, let them hear,” and those who do not, will not. Better to be grateful for a lifetime to explore the wonder and beauty of creation as it is, pushing the limits of one’s understanding.
Yet, “fear of God is the beginning of wisdom,” for it marks the start of a journey of the human mind from infancy to the mature exploration of all we can think and perceive. Some may never leave their adolescence to stand breathless before the infinitude of the spirit. In that place, one may ask, and receive the Word, though it may not be the answer one sought. Only those who humble themselves enough to say that they do not know the mind of God are ready to hear what He has to say.
I do not pretend to be a prophet, or anyone but a deeply flawed human being, born into sin as a child, who then sinned of my own accord, but who has been saved by the love of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the Son of God, the person of God made man, and more than a man. The sin levied on me as a child struck deep and has been difficult to let go of for God to remove. I still sin even today, tempted by thought that I could change the world for the better if only I could control it, through wealth or other means, when really that would gain me no control, nor would I well if I could. I was not one of the blessed who can “see without eyes and hear without ears,” but was of little faith. Perhaps I was blessed by being poor in spirit, for I needed God’s direct acts in my life more than most, in order to continue as a witness to the unfolding of the spirit’s message in the world. I needed to see the evidence to believe. God was merciful and showed me, for He knew that without it, I would die.
This is not evidence that I can quantify and reproduce in a form acceptable to science. This testimony would not be sufficient at law, because the nature of the events attested to do not fall within the narrow boundaries that most people set for the world, which they extrapolate from typical everyday experience. Yet I tell you, they are all true. I will “let my yes be yes” and not swear to their veracity any further. Whoever reads this is free to think whatever they wish, to to ignore it or ascribe the account as an aberration due to illness of mind or spirit. You are encouraged to think for yourself, for that is the nature we are given, and exercising that capacity is the only way to break free from the patterns of thought dictated by nature and experience enough to be willing to ask God and receive an answer. Faith in these events has been difficult, perhaps especially for me, who am beset by prolific imagination and dreams. Nevertheless I have come to believe they are true, external of my own mind. Though I attest herein to these experiences, I realize the futility of trying to convince any free mind of anything. Ironically, those are the only minds who will have anything to gain by understanding this.
The only minds that can be led by another are those trapped by a set of symbols, creeds, rules, and languages of humans. God is not trapped by our thoughts — ever. The Word is more than any word devised by humankind. If anything can be said of the world’s religions, now and throughout history, they are attempts by the fearful to control others using symbols that reference the idea of God. Most of those who claim religious authority do not believe in God. If their faith is examined, they will fall back on vague perceptions and feelings, on the heresy of people or institutions as God, or on dogmatic precepts and doctrine recited by rote — the “vain repetitions and empty rituals that lead to death,” as our Brother put it. Still more are conscious that they do not understand or believe what has been set before them, but have perfected a mask of lies and repetitions as an expedient means to secure resources and pleasures. However, if a priest believes he lies when he says the truth, that does not make the priest’s words any less true.
Those people know only the idea of God. The trouble with the “idea of God” is, if God is God, God is not an idea. Our God is a living God. He is not an intellectual abstraction to be studied and constructed by building thought upon thought at institutions of theological study. God is a living God, a being of cohesive energy, transcending every part of the universe that we observe, small and large. God is able to act at any point of space and time with enough energy to obliterate the world, or with the softest touch of a cloud.
Why does God not act to end pain and suffering? I do not know. He does not say. Ask Him yourself, if you want to get wrapped up in that argument for the ages. Perhaps it is because our pain is only temporary, the merest blink of an eye. Perhaps because, living on in the light of God, brought back if He wills it, to live whatever infinite life we may be granted, in this universe, in another plane, or both, we will look back at those moments of pain and consider them irrelevant to the eternal life before us.
This is, I believe, one meaning behind the “order of Melchizedek.” The priest of Melchizedek practiced his patient faith before Abraham, before Judaism, Christianity, Islam, or any of the religions of the Book. All the religions of humankind that came thereafter fail to adhere to that one true religion, the church of the angels, which has no building, no members, no synod, no hierarchy, and no organization. Those who call themselves by that name are merely pretenders, for as our Brother said, “many will come in my name saying ‘I am he.’ “ Christ himself only could say he had become a priest in the order of Melchizedek. To follow Him truly means giving up the religions of humankind, those vain repetitions, for He is king of the angels. Most people are too frightened of thinking for themselves to make the transition of mind required to see beyond the doctrines and rote prayers of any religion.
Once I saw a vision of a seraphim, or ascended being. I awoke in my bed, but my bed was on an abstract plane with a lattice of beams of golden light where a ceiling would be. The being was a shifting form of golden light, with waves within it that might be considered feathers or wings by others who have seen it and sought to describe it in reference to what they know. I exclaimed, “oh my God,” to which it replied humbly with an unseen voice in my dream, “no, I am not God. Listen.” It touched my forehead with a part of itself and communicated a vast number of images and thoughts. Most of these I cannot remember or directly access, so I make no claims of being given a prophecy. I asked it, “what should I do?” It gave me no commandment, but suggested, “I think you should think for yourself.” I decided to do so, and then instantly awoke, in my bed, sitting in the same position, with my eyes wide open. It was as if I had been awake the entire time, and the bed were instantaneously transported back to my room — as if the vision had been a candle flame, extinguished by a pinch. I never saw this creature again or had any similar waking dream. “Think for yourself” is part of “I am,” for the “I am” is the greatest gift God has given to humankind, and possibly other creatures who can conceive it. “I am” was the original thought of creation, and the thought that brought humankind up from the world of animals.
The being’s suggestion has not been easy to follow in the chaotic mayhem of modern technological life. I take its message to align with the writings of the apostles about the logos, the advocate, the spirit of truth left with us by our Lord and Brother as a remembrance and our most invaluable tool. Do not fear any authority. Their mortal lives are as short as our own. When all people allow the spirit of truth to live within them — and to change them — there will be no more need for any authority among human beings. Do not look to priests or any who claim authority inherited by lineage or institution to limit your understanding of scripture, nor to limit your direct experience with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, nor your experiences with each other and with other beings who commune with God. Those people are your peers in Christ. Their study and advice may have value to you, or perhaps not. Do not be deceived by an air of authority, which some traitors to spirit will exploit to lead you or your children astray. With the Holy Spirit acting as your guide to truth, think for yourself.
Those who claim the lineage of the Sanhedrin, or of the apostles, in one church organization or another, or of the twelve tribes of Israel, or of the rebellion against them by the man of the desert, ignore the lesson of Jacob and the rebellion of Edom ending in the betrayal of God by Judas of Kerioth. Jacob cheated and lied to obtain the supernatural power of the blessing given to Abraham and passed down through Isaac. Though Jacob was the one worthy to preserve his people and the blessing until Moses could lead them away from Egypt, Esau and his descendants of Edom were wronged. The heir to their grievance, Judas the Betrayer, believed he was justified in revenge against the man who claimed to be Abraham’s heir and the Messiah of God, who personally held the supernatural power of the original blessing, and used it to feed the hungry, heal the incurable, and even to resurrect people who had died into renewed life on this Earth. Judas of Kerioth did not see that he himself was betrayed by evil thought, by the thrill of revenge, and blinded himself to the lesson of Jacob. He did not allow himself to understand that his Brother, the Son of Man, was also God, and that the blessing and its power were thenceforth shared with all people who simply believe in the salvation of the Lord Jesus Christ, and not through any inheritance of bloodline or institution. Sometimes this power is shared in life, sometimes after death in new life, and often times not yet, but the signs shared thus far provide hope and encourage faith that it will be.
Perhaps a million years from now — what of it? A day is like a thousand years to Him, and a thousand years like a day. The stargazers have proven that if nothing else, we have plenty of time. Judas the Betrayer, caught up in the moment, forgot that he too then had access to the Blessing, if he had only believed. The gift of the blessing stolen by Jacob had already been restored to his tribe, and to the entire world. If Judas had believed, the Edomites would no longer have had any cause for grievance against the Lord or against the tribes of Israel. Instead, he clung to what was familiar, what he had been taught by his experience in the world — the anger, the resentment, the pain — like a drowning man clinging to a heavy stone. All he had to do was let go of the dark past to be a part of a brighter future, but he was fated to tell the story of what happens if you do not. Say a prayer for that dark apostle, for his role was necessary to teach the way to light.
Will the Lord forgive even Judas for his betrayal, as God promises to forgive us for our betrayal of ourselves and each other through sin? The most difficult part of repentance is not obtaining God’s forgiveness. Jesus freely grants forgiveness to all who ask from the heart and are willing to be changed by the Holy Spirit. That is the easy part. The most difficult part is to forgive one’s self. Only then can one accept God’s forgiveness. Judas of Kerioth could not forgive himself, and allowed the demons of his resentment to turn inward against himself in suicide. Even for him, I pray that God gives his soul a second chance. Beware those who tempt you toward anger and vengeance with tales of fire and brimstone in the name of God, or you will miss this lesson too. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.”
Sometime before the Seraphim, ascended being, or whatever it was, once I felt beset by the presence of God and fell down, my mind overtaken by a vision inside me of His face. He (the Father) had the most indescribably beautiful face of golden fire and lines of blinding white light. I wept for a long time uncontrollably at the vision of such profound cosmic beauty. It was more than my human brain could handle. Perhaps the Seraphim followed the presence of God to ask me about the experience. God sometimes visits me in dreams now, to lend a kind word or a rescuing hand, but His face is always hidden.
Some years later, well after both those visions of the mind, I awoke at night to a feeling of profound presence and power. It was beyond the normal “hour of the wolf” anxiety or the effects on the heart of having eaten too much salt before bedtime. The presence was electrified. Unable to sleep, I went outside to find a picturesque sky with puffy clouds lit by a bright moon. A very small formation of clouds caught my eye. My visual acuity at the time was significantly above average. I studied it with high quality binoculars that my grandparents gave me when I was young. Binoculars and other optics do not work in dreams or hallucinations, because they lead the mind to shift and change the setting and scene. I also checked the light switch inside to see if I was dreaming. At first I wondered if I was dreaming, because it did not work, but the light bulb at the door had suddenly burned out, and other switches worked. The formation of clouds was a perfect representation of Jesus as a boy. It was not a vague shape in which the brain sees patterns. It could not have been formed by nature. The details were perfect, like a Michelangelo sculpture, from the head to about the knees. His arms and hands were outstretched. Every finger was perfectly formed and balanced. The figure wore a formal tunic from the period when He first lived on Earth. Even the buttons were perfectly placed, below the neck and on the wrists of the garment. His face was beautifully formed in still repose, with his mouth open as if He were singing with a joyful look. Hair, eyebrows, eyes, nose, ears, lips, and chin were formed in perfect, balanced detail. The formation of clouds persisted in its still detail for about half an hour.
I wish I could say that the profound sight of this instantly changed my life, but I was so far gone, so heavily chained by sin, that years passed before I could let go of enough fear to allow God to begin healing my soul.
I did not see or hear anything else from God for a long time. Many years after those visions and that sighting of the miracle in the clouds, in 2009 by common reckoning, I was struck by severe illness. I became so ill that I could not move or speak to ask my neighbors for help. I am sure that I was close to death. I prayed. In my fever, it seemed as if the ceiling of my room turned to fog, and a platform lowered down. On the platform was a beautifully constructed desk made of cedar, with rounded corners, joined without screws. Behind the desk sat Jesus of Nazareth, in white robe with the red sash or stained part. He did not say anything to me as I weakly pleaded for help. He just looked at me, with a silent gaze, into my soul. His desk lifted into the fog, and I fell asleep. When I awoke next, I was well.
More recently, I saw Jesus in a profound dream, which felt so real that I believe it to be a sight of His own life that He shared through time somehow, through the mind of God. In the dream, guards brought Jesus into the blacksmith’s forge in the fortress of Pontius Pilate, just before he was to be crucified. The blacksmith who forged the nails, a former Centurion, talked to Jesus at Pilate’s bequest, to convince Jesus to recant his claims of being the Son of God and therefore King of the Jews. Jesus did not speak, but looked at the blacksmith with placid calm. The blacksmith suddenly threw a small pyramid-shaped weight on the end of a chain at Jesus, of a type probably used as a tool for gauging the depth of water. The weight broke His nose and spilled His blood on the fire of the forge. Jesus doubled over in pain, but again said nothing. He raised his head and looked silently again at the blacksmith, who first yelled at him, but then finally connected with the love of the Lord who sacrificed himself to change the course of the world away from certain death. This peaceful, forgiving gaze from Jesus, even in the face of doom, unnerved the blacksmith. He brought him back from the hard, cruel man he had become, back to the child he had been, a child who suddenly cried under the burden of all the horror his life had made him carry.
The witness Paul wrote, “For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the end comes, separation of parts disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. Now we see only a reflection in a mirror. Then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then shall I know fully, even as I am fully known.” Only cruel and fearful parents take this to mean that the children are bad. As a child, before the worries and cares of the world took their toll, we knew God fully, when we could not comprehend with “adult” ways of thinking. While alive in the world, under the burdens of cruelty and hunger, we know only part, seeing only shadows and reflections. In death, we will know God fully again, and become again the child we once were. God knew us fully the whole time. Trust that.
I have been to churches where everyone competes to “make a joyful noise” as loud as possible, those in which people repeat the same words over and over in the vain hope that God will pay more attention than to their first thought, and those that parade people around in pomp and pageantry while excluding others whom they deem unworthy. I have witnessed and know for a fact that the one true God is a God of quiet places. As scripture says, he knows our hearts and our thoughts before we feel our emotions or utter our inadequate words. We do not need to follow the words of others or make demonstrations to prove the strength of our faith, who know in our hearts that we have already been selected by God to be saved. John baptized with water, but only Jesus Christ baptizes with the spirit.
One who has seen the direct presence of the Lord of Abraham in a quiet cloud should not feel afraid to testify to those who claim His name, but I do. That night, I knocked on the doors of my neighbors – some friends, and several families of the church Peter founded that was later taken over by Rome. All of them ignored the knock of a thief in the night. I am grateful and glad, every day since then, that I had the courage to answer. “The secret place of the most high” is not in an object, or in a temple, or on a mountain. “The kingdom of heaven is within you.” God is not hiding from us. We hide from him, or rather, we delude ourselves to think that we can.
The Word is alive, the Word is God, and God is alive. Do not worship dead words. The living Word is always one step beyond what we think we understand. “Seek and you shall find.” Those who stop seeking, who settle into dogma, doctrine, or diatribe, into vain certainty that they know the mind of the Almighty, are the true lost sheep of the Lord. A flock who stay only in one place will starve or fall prey to wolves.
When I go to a church, my problem is not that I do not believe in God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit – for I have seen evidence first hand that He is among us and alive – but that I do not believe people. They construct systems of words taken from scripture for the sole purpose of holding imagined power over one another, then cover up that impulse with self-delusion. That is the way of people, and I do not believe them. It seems in every church organization that the priesthood, or whatever they call their hierarchy of ministerial authority, is a refuge for evil men, money-lovers, and criminals who abuse children. Yet those who call themselves the “faithful” continue to sacrifice their innocence to those unholy altars. They interrogate those who approach with open hearts in the framework of empty words they turn into weapons to exclude those who need God the most. No response is ever good enough for them. That is the pattern of the Accuser, “Accuser” being the source of the name “Satan.” When you hear that, accept the truth. To protect your tiny mustard seed of faith you may need to leave them, until you are strong enough to weather their storm.
So often, I hear people with the most wonderful lives – families, wealth, happiness – dictating how those less fortunate than they should be grateful for their misery because it is “the will of God.” God gave us free will and respects us enough to let us make our own choices. As for natural suffering – infirmity, disease, old age, and so on – these may be tests of our ability to love one another despite sorrow, and to have faith that there is more after death that will make all the pain of this life seem very small. The rest of human suffering is inflicted on ourselves and on each other by human will, not God’s. This is our greatest gift, and greatest curse, to have knowledge of good and evil, and the capacity to choose either.
Sometimes every word in church drips with the most insane hypocrisy. One of the most profound examples of this is when preachers, in a temple, quote Jesus preaching against praying loudly and publicly in a temple, and then direct people to make a show of prayer in unison to strip the words of meaning. I heard a priest speak the words of Jesus against public signs of faith, and then direct people to line up to mark their heads with ash. I asked him about the contradiction and he said “I never thought about it much.” Think for yourself. I heard a church literally said that Jesus directed us not to make a show of prayer, and then on the next breath directs an ostentatious show of prayer, with loud, simplistic, obnoxious music. It is no wonder that churches are dying. These messages make no sense.
The idea that God will direct and control every moment of our lives is absurd. Would any parent raise a child this way, and expect the child to grow and thrive? No. Any child raised that way would be immature and inept, unable to make good choices.
God wants us to live and thrive in self-sufficiency. All we need is His love. And, in His final words to the apostles, His commandment to love one another, Jesus told us, that we need each other’s love, shared selflessly with one another. This is the challenge set before us, for these times, lest the world fall to dark ages once again, as it has always been the challenge for humankind. Can we live and thrive without the direct intervention of God? I could not, and so apparently I required that intervention. I admit that I am immature and inept, sometimes unable to make good choices. God’s love is still here for us, but it may not always be. We still misidentify love as other, animal things — lust, dominance, dependence, and even cruelty — but these meaningless acts only lead to death. When I allow myself to be quiet, I am grateful that God intervened to get me through a troubled period where I felt that there was no love for me from anyone on Earth. Now I realize that there is some. It isn’t anything so magnificent and miraculous, but it is enough, and it is made brighter by sharing my own love with others when I can. If the world around you is dark, if you are beset by violence and betrayal, think for yourself. God gave you choices. You can choose to add to the evil of the world by seeking revenge or retribution. In the chaos that ensues from those actions, you will probably hurt others who did not deserve to be hurt, and the world will never heal. If you want the world to be better — if you want the world to survive — find a way to share love selflessly with someone, even with your enemy. Only by healing the rifts and divisions that separate us will we be able to live again with God. He has not given up on us. Do not give up.
Note: Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy of this text to publish, redistribute, and translate the text without modification to its original verbiage and intent. 2023-04-09